The Not-So “Evil” Step-Mother (Part II)
24 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Home Life, Kids, LG's Diary, Personal Tags: evil step-mother, love, step-children, step-families, step-life, step-mother, step-parenting
I have never tried to “buy” my step-sons’ love. I don’t let them walk all over me because I want them to like me. The things I do and don’t do for them is because I WANT TO!
Let’s take their laundry for instance. I stay home now, I am not working. If I want to do laundry to kill sometime, then the best place to find it is upstairs in the boyz’ room. This is going to sound weird to some people but I like sorting the laundry, I like folding the laundry and I like to organize the laundry. I guess it’s an OCD thing. (I also LOVE to iron.)
When the boyz ask me for something they need I try to provide it for them. I am not going to lie and say I have bought them every single thing they have asked of me. However, if and when I am able I will buy them things. I don’t understand why people think and say that when a step-mom buys her step-kids gifts it is because she is trying to “buy” their love. I don’t know…maybe some step-moms do do that. This step-mom does not!!!
Another thing is I like to cook dinner. I can’t stand it when I am exhausted and I tell everyone it’s “Ramen Night!” It’s makes ME feel like a lazy bum! I take pleasure in finding recipes for new dishes that I think the boyz would enjoy eating. I don’t mind having to clean up after everyone is done eating. I bet you think I am crazy and you are right! Nevertheless, I can’t stand when someone else tries to clean up and it isn’t done the way I would do it. I appreciate the effort but I usually just go back and do it myself.
That is with all the cleaning. Again, when Dan and the boyz clean or pick-up anything, I do appreciate it. The only problem is me! I look at what they have done and the first thing that pops in my head is “This isn’t going to get done the way it should be done unless I do it!” I love the fact that I have a husband who wants to help me and step-sons that will clean their room when asked…yet, I know I won’t be satisfied until it is done my way. I don’t think that if I am their maid they will come around to love me.
When I do things for my step-son’s, I am doing them because I care about them. I am doing them because I hope the way I treat them helps to mold them into fine young men. I do things for them because I want to do whatever I can to help them. I want them to feel secure in their relationship with me. I don’t do these things because I want them to like me. I don’t do things to try and “one-up” their mother. I do all the things I do for them because I love them! They might not be my children but they are mine to take care of half the time. One day they will see my intentions were good and it was all for them!
The Not-So “Evil” Step-Mother
31 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Home Life, Kids, LG's Diary, Married Life, Personal Tags: biological mother, evil step-mother, step-children, step-mother, step-parenting
With stories like Snow White and Cinderella, a step-mother is labeled “evil” before she even has a chance to prove herself “good.” I’ve told myself that being a mother is the hardest job I will ever have to do…but I lied. Being a step-mother is the hardest role I have ever had to “put on” and not every woman can pull it off. I am not trying to discourage anyone from getting involved with a man that has children. But this is a tough job for a tough “cookie.” I am not saying I am some special kind of woman…well, actually that is what I am saying and I know I’m not the only one.
Like a mother, a good step-mother has many different parts to play in the family dynamic. By “good” I am referring to those who want to become part of the family from the beginning and continue to do so for the rest of their marriage. There are those, who like the title says, become the “evil” step-mother but this isn’t about them. This is about those who can cope with the fact that even though they provide basic needs for their step-children just like their mother does, they will not reap the rewards that their mother does. This is a huge deal!
The intention is not to take the spot of “mother” away from their biological mom. Oh no! As a step-mother, I have come to love my step-sons. I know that I will never love them like their mother or father, but I do love them. They are a part of the man I love. How could I not love them? They are part of my family and they have become a part of me. I have opened my heart to them and I hope for success in their own lives. Some mothers take offense to this and their motherly instincts kick in and this is, of course, understandable.
Think of it this way: If someone were taking care of your child away from home and they weren’t providing the basic needs for your child, would you let that person care for your child ever again? I know I wouldn’t. I would hope that the other person would do their utmost to take care of my children, doing their best to take care of them as a parent would. I guess I would call myself a permanent babysitter of sorts. I am not labeling myself to be negative. I am using the “babysitter” label to help explain what a step-mother’s role is. It isn’t to be a real babysitter but the step-mom has to remember her place and not step over any boundaries. You have to think of yourself as a babysitter. You are someone that “helps” your partner care for his children when they are in your home.
When there are other children involved, whether they be step-siblings or half-siblings, that makes the situation even harder. In my home I try and do make sure that my husband’s time and my time are evenly distributed between all the children. I don’t, and nor should any step-parent, want their step-children to become resentful of any other child that comes in the mix.
There is a lot of emotional strength involved. As you are someone who is only there to “help”, you are still cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, helping with homework, supporting them at their football games, listening to their long “don’t make sense” stories, picking them up, taking them where they need to go, etc. Never will you hear “I love you” or get a Mother’s Day card. You may never even get referred to as their step-mother but just their father’s wife. It is very rare to even get a “thank you” from the mother. These are things step-mom’s learn to deal with and know they come with being a step-parent.
The boys may never come to love me and I am okay with that. I just hope that the boys realize one day that in our family, I don’t only do the things I do for my own children but for them as well.
Are there any other step-mothers that want to share their coping mechanisms? Or maybe share other roles as step-mother? Maybe you just want to share your thoughts!
Just Call Me “June Cleaver”
10 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Home Life, Kids, Married Life, Money, Personal Tags: budget, Cleaning, daycare, facebook, stay-at-home mother
If you are a mother you might wish you could stay home with your children. You might wish that you had more time to take care of your home. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to survive solely on your husband’s paycheck? Staying home has its perks but it also comes with some frustration.
I am currently employed as a full-time mother/homemaker. My day consists of diapers, bottles, coffee, cartoons, cereal being thrown all over the floor, naps (my favorite), coffee, Facebook (my only link to the outside world and to other adults), cleaning, coffee, laundry, making my son’s bed about 20 times, more coffee, preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner, and last but not least more cleaning (and probably more coffee). This is the hardest job I have ever had.
Few may know what it is like to keep up with a two-year old and try to take care of a newborn. Man is it tough. I know there are many parents who have done it and I would like to know how they got through it without losing sanity. Now don’t get me wrong here. I love my two children very much and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. When my husband and I decided I would stay home with the kids I had a totally different perception on how it was going to be. I didn’t think it was going to be hard at all. I thought it was going to be easy peasy. HA!!!
My new job is difficult and rewarding all at the same time. It is difficult because there is only one of you; Only one of you to feed the baby and give your other child attention at the same time; Only one of you to keep making the bed that your son keeps messing up so he can put the sheet and blanket over his head; Only one of you to pick up the cereal off the floor that your son thought would be cool see fly in the air. However, the rewards outdo the difficult moments. As much as I hate to remake that bed of his, it’s funny to see my son walk around with the sheet over his head and laugh from his belly when I “find” him. My day is not complete without my baby daughter smiling or “talking” to me. I know that this experience will benefit everyone in the end.
Even though I complain about making beds and picking up cereal…I love to clean. I love to clean and see things clean. When I was working I was always so tired when I got home. If the house was a mess it usually stayed a mess until I had some sort of energy to tidy it up. Now when it’s nap time, that’s mommy’s time to make everything immaculate the way I like it. It’s my “me” time, my therapy of sorts. There are days when I can’t get to the dishes or the laundry. Those days I just wait for my husband to come home so that he can take over for a bit and I can get done what I need to get done.
The hardest part of all this is surviving on only one paycheck. Some might say that I should never have quit my job and we wouldn’t be encountering any financial stress. In order for me to work we would still need daycare. If any of you have ever looked into the prices for daycare, you know it is horrendous! Putting our children into daycare 5 days a week would have cost more than I got paid. Unacceptable! So the decision was made that I would stay home. Sure my husband and I had to do some re-adjusting and we are still getting used to it but I know it will turn out okay in the end. It has to!
For all you other homemakers out there, how do you get through your day? What things do you do to keep your sanity? Do you have any tips for a stay-at-home mother budget? Just leave a comment below and share any insight!
Grocery List of Annoyances
04 Jul 2011 2 Comments
in Home Life Tags: Annoyances, Cell phones, crowds, Elderly, Grocery
If there’s one thing I hate the most about maintaining a household – it’s grocery shopping! When I was a little girl, my mother would always drag me (not my siblings) to “keep her company” while she was shopping for food. She’d start at the far left part of the grocery store and move her way down every aisle, so as to not forget anything. She rarely made lists. Presently, I do the same damn thing. I start all the way at the left part of the store and work my way down every aisle, thanks to my mother. I hate grocery shopping. Here’s why:
1.) The Elderly: They don’t work, yet they seem to all go shopping right at the same time the working class shops (after work). Go in the morning, you’ve been up since 4am! Also, they can be rude, hit you with their carts and block the aisles. Let’s go Gertrude, I don’t have all day!
2.) The Cellphone Talkers: Have some dignity! 
No one cares and why are you talking so LOUD? Can’t it wait another 15 minutes? Do you have to stand right in front of the milk case? The entire store doesn’t need to know about your colonoscopy. People that talk on their phone in public disgust me for this reason. Move it along!
3.) The Follower: Oh yeah. You know who I’m talking about. That person that mysteriously ends up in every aisle you’re in. The shadow. The first or second time, it’s always a little funny in my head. Ohhh…what a coincidence! By the fifth time, it’s not funny anymore. It’s a little creepy. That’s when I back track 
(always forgetting something – damn you lists!) and guess what? They are in the same aisle again! If you realize you’re the follower, just avoid eye contact. It makes it less unpleasant for all involved.
4.) Crowds: Especially around the holidays, they grocery store is more than likely, PACKED! I believe that each aisle should be treated like a road. Stay on your right. Let’s keep traffic going. Don’t plop
the cart right in the middle of the aisle as you are NOT the only person there. And if you’re only buying one thing, then please, use the self check out. Why would you ever stand in a check out lane if all you have is a case of pop?
5.) The Deli Counter: Never have I gone to the grocery store (especially a specialty grocer) where there wasn’t a huge line at the deli. I just want some cheese and maybe some sliced turkey. I pick a number – 53 – and they are “now serving 42″. To me, this is worse than the line at the DMV. People don’t pay attention to when it’s their turn OR decide what they want when they are called. Hey, I’ve got 
about 20 minutes while I’m waiting, I better be damned sure I know what I want. I might very well get myself shot.
There are a lot of reasons to hate grocery shopping. These are only my “Top 5″. Do you like to grocery shop? Why or why not? Leave a comment below!
He Will Not Be Cast Aside
03 Jul 2011 2 Comments
in Married Life, Personal Tags: communication, dating, Husband, intimacy, married life, sex life, supermom, unwinding, wife
As I stated in my “Super Mom” blog, being a wife and mother keeps us very occupied. However, between the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the little ones and finding time to ourselves, the “Super Mom” can find she lacking in a department. Often times when one is so engrossed in their duties, especially as a mother, parts of our job as a wife fall through the cracks. One such responsibility is our commitment to our husband. The husband’s feelings and needs tend to get put on the back burner because the wife has enough on her plate, at least she thinks she does. This rationale tends to lead to frustration and a lot of tension between the two. The following are key points which I like to incorporate in my life, as I am sure other wives do, so my husband doesn’t feel neglected.
COMMUNICATION - We all know that the best way to a healthy relationship is communication, which I totally agree with. In this case we wives want to be communicating to our husbands how much we appreciate the hard work they do all day and the help they give us at home. When your husband comes home make it a point to ask him how his day was and ask if there is anything he would like to talk about. Don’t nag or complain as soon as he walks in that door and remember not to forget the “I love you” more often then not.
UNWINDING - Everyone is exhausted, at least a little bit, after a long day’s work. Staying at home with children is just as rough. However, sometimes it is nice to let the husband relax for a bit when he gets home. Think about how good it feels when you are given the opportunity to do that. Maybe the two of
you can take turns. Try putting the list of things to do away for 5 minutes and enjoy some unwinding together. Stay-at-home mothers, let’s avoid handing off the kids to the husband as soon as he walks in the door. Just because a stay-at-home mom has been dealing with the kids all day, doesn’t mean she can pawn the kids off on her husband as soon as he arrives home.
DATING – Remember first dating your husband. The time spent getting ready in anticipation of seeing him, or that stomach turning feeling when scoping him out in his 
suave attire. Who wouldn’t want to relive those feelings, even if it is just once in a while. Those sensations help one to recall after a long day just how much love and want a wife has for her husband and how much she wants her husband to feel the same in return. It gives that excuse to paint your face and get all dressed up for your man. If getting out of the house isn’t feasible then plan a date at home. Once the babes are in bed, enjoy dinner and wine, with no screaming or crying in the background. Just the two of you giving each other your undivided attention.
INTIMACY – This is another must for a healthy relationship with your husband. This is #2 in my book, right under communication. A husband and wife cannot truly be united without this component. This isn’t only about sex either. It is about the closeness one has with their mate and the affection they portray to one another. This is an important need for husbands. A naughty text message during the day while he is at work is the kind of attention he craves. Making it all about him when you two are alone in the boudoir proves to him that you are there for him and haven’t forgotten about him. Remember that most husbands will reciprocate in kind. Also, with sex, why not switch it up every once in a awhile. Who wants to do the same thing over and over again? It’s fun to have some variety.
Even if there is just a little strain in your union, make a point of fitting in at least one of these elements and see if it helps. It couldn’t hurt to try.
What are some elements you wives like to aim at in keeping your husband from feeling like he is being overlooked? I would be interested in hearing other wives’ ideas on this topic. Leave a comment below!
SuperMom To The Rescue!!!
29 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Home Life, Kids, Married Life Tags: Chores, Cleaning, Cooking
Someone once asked me if I was supermom and I remember thinking to myself that I am no different than any other mom. Making time for your family doesn’t make you “super” it just makes you a mom. I believe my job as a mother is to make sure everyone is well cared for in my home and I have a lot of “little jobs” that make that happen.
There is the obvious cooking and cleaning. I grew up in a household where the mother did all the cooking and the cleaning. I don’t feel that’s barbaric at all. I am so particular when it comes to cleaning that as much as I appreciate my husband’s help when he does, I wouldn’t mind just doing it myself. Cleaning the house is my therapy. Of course, I don’t mind when my husband decides to cook for everyone, when I was pregnant he was doing it every night. However, I like cooking. I love going on Rachael Ray’s website and finding a new recipe for my husband and the boys. These chores make me happy when I do them.
I recall someone once saying that a wife/mother must “…be a maid in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom…” I couldn’t have said it any better myself. I read and see on television all these stories about husbands AND wives cheating. I don’t want any of that happening in my marriage. I believe my role in the bedroom is very important to keep that “spark”. How hard is it to just add a little bit of variety in the bedroom? I am not saying it is only my “job” to worry about our sex-life, “…it takes two to tango…” However, it IS my “job” to make sure my husband is happy.
Without mothers, the chaos that goes on in the home wouldn’t be in order. This isn’t true for all mothers. In my household, and many others I know, this is a FACT! As women, we are a tad bit more organized than men. I always jot down the appointments the kids have in my calendar. I always remember when my husband and his ex switch days with their boys. Those are just a couple of the things I have to keep from disarray. I think as women we are able to put our chaotic lives in harmony and our husbands know that. They rely on the fact that we are so “put together” when it comes to change and disorder in our lives.
Now these are just a few duties that I as a mother take care of. After all this, I need some time to myself. A mom should make that time after a day’s work. Without finding an hour or two to ourselves, our world would explode. The house would look like a tornado swirled through it; no one would have food to eat; our husbands would be complaining that we aren’t paying them enough attention; and our lives would have no order or organization at all. If being a “SuperMom” is just being a mom, then I guess I am “Super” and blessed with the most rewarding job a woman could ever have.
All My Bentleys
28 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in LG's Diary Tags: bachelorette, naive, past relationships
I sit here watching “The Bachelorette” and I have a hard time not yelling at the T.V. It’s not like she can hear me, and even if she could, who am I to be telling her she is an idiot. I wonder what is wrong with this girl. How can she be so stupid and so naïve not to see what this jerk, meaning Bentley, is all about? As I observe this woman’s actions and feelings, I remember situations from my past that are all too familiar.
What happened to us as young ladies that we enable men, like Bentley, to take advantage of our feelings for them?
Can someone even blame just one thing? Do we really have anything to blame but ourselves?
It’s hard to think back on ALL my Bentleys! It’s hard not to feel foolish or cringe when I reflect on how gullible I really was. How does someone make the same mistake over and over again? One would think that after the first time a girl would have learned but not even the second or third time had I learned from my mistakes.
I could sit here and say that it was because I was a chubby girl with a lot of insecurities. That because of those insecurities I was constantly worried about how others felt about me. Worrying about what others thought about me pushed me to do everything that I thought everyone else wanted from me. Doing what everyone else wanted, or what I thought they wanted, had me in a fog in all my relationships. That fog kept me from seeing the person I had turned into. The person I had turned into wasn’t really a person at all. I wasn’t being me, I was losing me. I was losing myself in all the time I would spend trying to make the other person love me.
Why couldn’t they just love me as much as I loved them? Why was I the only one worried about what was going to happen to “us”?
I finally figured out “why”. I know people are going to say it was because I didn’t love myself, and that could very well be true. However, I am going to call it like it is…..I was a FOOL! Sure I could spend hundreds of dollars on therapy to be told that my father just didn’t love me enough and had “daddy issues” or maybe it was because the boy I was “in love” with in high school would pretend he liked me, then turned around and told me he was “just kidding” (which really did happen). I could come up with a hundred different excuses but that’s all they are, excuses.
I never listened when my family and friends would try to tell me how foolish I was being. I have no one and nothing to blame for this ridiculous behavior but MYSELF.
I don’t think I am being harsh on myself at all. When you call your boyfriend to find out where he is and a woman answers the phone, how would a smart person react to that? A woman with a brain would have packed all her belongings and left that man as far behind her as she could. Now the fool I was, cried and cried until he got home. I even went further to beg him not to leave me and promised I would make everything better. Oh what a silly, silly little girl I was.
I have finally seen “the error of my ways” as I am now a very happily married woman…..and the happiest I have ever been.
My Husband is NOT LAZY!!!
27 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Married Life Tags: apologize, apology, garbage, habit, Lazy
In my post “Husband’s Irksome Habit” I wrote at the very end “…he is just being a tad bit lazy.” I would like to correct myself and tell all of you that my husband is NOT LAZY! What I meant to say was the act of not putting a new garbage bag in IS lazy. My husband is far from being lazy. He works 5 days a week and most of the time on the weekends too. I am lucky to have such a hard-working husband. I apologize for not being clear in my post, but I strongly apologize to my husband who I portrayed wrongly in my “crab fest.”
Music to clean to
25 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Home Life Tags: Chores, Music
I love being able to open up the windows, let the sun shine through, blast the stereo and…clean?
Well, if there’s any inspiration for cleaning, music is the way to go (other than the sink full of dirty dishes and the piles of laundry).
Here are artists I prefer to clean to – as they provide optimum beats for…beating rugs. (in no particular order)
PORTISHEAD
Portishead delivers mellow, smooth vibes. What makes it even better is lead singer Beth Gibbon’s soft, unassuming, angelic voice. For first time listeners, I would suggest listening to their self titled album – all the way through. This is optimum for dusting or anything having to do with detailing.
BOB MARLEY
Really – who doesn’t love a little reggae in their life? Listening to Nesta (Bob) gives me the over all feeling of “No worries mon”, which is apparently said as often as “hello” in Jamaica. The compilation album Legend, is a great one to start out with. Also great for dusting, detailing and perhaps laundry folding.
ELVIS CRESPO
I found this guy by accident one day on my Slacker Radio station as he was a recommended artist. I was (am) hooked! He sings Merengue music. You can’t go wrong with this. Very upbeat tempos, a somewhat high-pitched voice, but all-in-all, great for inspiring some energetic scrubbing and sweeping. I started with Suavemente.
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
What better way to tackle dirt and grime, than with some rap metal hip hop punk thrash tunes. Rage Against The Machine, known for their political views and activism, lay the angst on…thick. So you’d probably want to listen to this when you’re beating rugs, whisking the couch or the like. My suggestion – start out with Evil Empire.
So there you have it. Music to clean, scrub, brush, beat, whisk, vacuum and dust to.
You’re welcome.
Calling Out The Angle
25 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in LG's Diary Tags: busy husband, hobbies, lonely wife, poker
It hurts to know he has left you in this rathole to be with his painted love.
It’s agonizing when you are constantly checking your phone, waiting for his smooth call.
Why am I just sitting here like a nit and letting this happen?!
How can I get him back?!
How do I get him to muck this suicide queen and focus all his attention back on me?!
This spaded floozy that consumes his time for hours on end.
This heartless tramp who has wrenched my husband’s soul right out of my hand.
This hussy that has him spending all of his bankroll.
This lady of the night who keeps him wanting more.
I would like to come face to face with this femme fatale.
It’s going to be heads up, her and I.
I am going to yank the diamonds from her bosom.
She doesn’t know it, but she is going to get hit with a gut shot.
Someone better let her know that instead of my fist in her face, I will smack her with my mighty club.
It will definitely be a bad beating when I get done with her.
I wonder how she would like being flopped in the river?!
I don’t know where she gets off thinking she is the big chick.
It may seem like I am the horse right now, but I will show him that she is just a donkey.
She better not think she can up the ante without me calling her bluff.
Her poker face doesn’t fool me.
This harlot will be on the tilt, with me on the slow roll.
With these pocket rockets up my sleeve, her odds are none.
She may have my husband with the nuts, but with him, I’ll always bet all-in and win the jackpot.
